Amazing Grace

I know this is late, but better late than never, right?! Sept. 3 was Lucy's 5th birthday. That's right, this little firecracker of a girl turned FIVE!!!

As I was sitting thinking about her one day, I was trying to decide what it was that she's brought to my life. It's not that it's so hard to come up with something, I just wanted to name it. It didn't take long until I realized that the most important thing that I've learned in her 5 years is Grace.  We probably should've named her that- or at least her middle name. Grace, because lots of times, there is nothing else I can do with her but give her grace. 

 If you have spent any time around us, you've probably seen it. Her ability to instantaneously turn from cute little girl into a purple faced, tears streaming, wailing creature that used to by my daughter. This mutation can happen anywhere at anytime. You think I'm kidding? ANYWHERE. AT ANYTIME. In the grocery store, the church parking lot, friends' houses, the backyard, Target. This list goes on.  And it can happen in the blink of an eye, with no warning. You also, if you know us, have been able to witness the sudden tragedy of "my legs don't work". This usually comes immediately after she's been given some kind of direction. "Lucy, can you pick up your socks and put them in your hamper?" And then it begins... She falls to the floor, legs sprawled grunting and groaning as she's exasperatingly telling me that her legs don't work.  She could go on a LONG TIME just writhing on the ground because she "can't get up". It's kinda cute. It's funny. The first time. The 698th time-not so much. 

Before I had kids, I had no idea that this would be the hardest thing for me. Not really disciplining. But the internal struggle of loving at the same time as disciplining. And figuring out how to console a little being that is inconsolable. Literally nothing helps to calm her down or to "straighten her up".  When you're pregnant or even when you're holding your precious little snuggly newborn, you know that you're going to have to deal with defiance one day. I've heard stories of how I acted as a kid, kicking and screaming in the check-out lane because I wasn't getting what I wanted. My thoughts before I had kids? "Oh, even if my kids do that, I'll just ignore it. I'll just go about my business and they'll realize I'm not paying attention and they'll stop. I'm not going to give in to them" Or "I'll just do a time-out and they'll learn their lesson" Oh, how nice our dream worlds are, aren't they?! I had no idea the feelings that would well up inside me. The feelings of exasperation, fatigue, embarrassment, and lots of times, anger. 

God has used my children to teach me lots of lessons. Grace is Lucy's reason for being right now. She reminds me that I act the same way. No matter how many times I act like a crazy person and yell at my kids or think judgmental thoughts about someone, or feel like I'm not a good enough mom, wife, or friend, God's always there, waiting patiently for me to stop my tantrum and act like a sane person.  He forgives me multiple times a day and is teaching me now, that's what I have to do for Lucy. Forgive her. Again. And again. And again.  And I can't imagine how he feels when he sees me, his daughter, acting like a fool. He could so easily say, "But I taught you better than that! Why are you acting like this? Where did you learn that language and tone of voice? That's not how I talk" But he doesn't. He just shows me somehow that He still loves me and that He's waiting for me to straighten up when I'm ready.

She not only has taught me how to give grace, but how to receive it. On a bad day, I can turn into the wicked witch in the blink of an eye. And lots of time when I'm frustrated with one kid, I take it out on another. But no matter how I treat her, not matter what I do or say to correct her, she still shows how much she loves me. Lots of time when we're 30 min into a tantrum and I ask her why she's even crying her response through tears and a shaky voice is "I just want a hug". No matter how my behavior has been, she's always ready to hug me or play with me or move on like nothing has ever happened. She has learned much better than me that once a "situation" is dealt with and I'm sorry's are said, it's over. There's no hurt feelings hanging around. She shows me grace and moves on. Oh, thank you, Lord, for that little piece of you that you've given me in Lucy. 

Pomp and Circumstance

So tomorrow my older, yet not-as-responsible, hippie of a sister is graduating! She's done this before (multiple times), but this time is a little different. She's graduating from Vet School. Which means for the past 4 years she's been living in the same place, going to the same school. For her, I think this might be a record!! For those of you who don't know my sister, she's a bit of a free spirit. I mean, after all, she did decide to move to Breckenridge, CO just because it would be fun. 

Am I surprised that she made it through the riggers of vet school and is graduating (I'm sure at the top of her class)? Absolutely not. This is the girl who scored like a 35 on her ACT. I'm pretty sure she would be a career student if it paid the bills. Am I surprised that she finally picked a career? Yes. Deciding what you want to do with your life is something that most people do relatively quickly with not too much forethought. She just took a little (ok, a lot) longer to decide.  

So Val, for the accomplishment of studying, passing tests, going to class, I say "yeah, yeah, whatever...that's just a given for you".  But for the accomplishment of deciding to do something, taking years to see it through, and still loving it when you've finished, I say "great job! I love you and I'm proud of you!" 

And when my kids are older and I don't have to clean human poop anymore, we'll probably get a dog. So I expect free veterinary advice and services. And, since in the next year you'll be living very close to us, I'm always looking for a babysitter! I'll pay you in food :)

Ready to Run

Endurance: "the ability or strength to continue or last, especially despite fatigue, stress, or other adverse conditions; stamina"

Ten weeks ago, I would have told you I'm not a runner. I never really have been. I run (sometimes), but I'm not one of those people who can't wait to get out a run a few miles.  I'm ok at short distances, but the thought of doing the same thing for hours on end (like running a marathon) sounds boring to me.  Ten weeks ago, I would have told you I have no endurance.  When things get tough-I stop. I don't like to push through the pain. But when I don't allow myself to go through the pain, I don't get the rewards that follow.

No, I don't like to run. So ten week ago, what did I do? I went and committed to running in the Ragnar Relay Race. For those of you who don't know what this is (I didn't either), it's a 200 mile, 12-person relay race. The race starts Friday morning and goes continuously through the night until Saturday evening when your team finishes. So there's one person from your team running at all times. Each member runs 2 daytime legs and 1 nighttime leg. So when I was asked to join this all-woman team my friend got together, what's the first word that came to mind? CRAZY!!!! But the 2nd was Endurance.  Maybe this was my chance to build some.  To have a goal and reach it.  To learn the lessons that come "in the hard times" of training and have the joy to know that I had the endurance to finish. 

As I was thinking about this concept of Endurance, I thought of motherhood.  I don't know if there's ever a "finish" with being a mom. But I think being able to endure the sleepless nights, constant whining, arguing, and tattling is a victory in itself! Learning that in the tough times is when I get to teach someone else about Jesus' love, or grace, or forgiveness.  I'm not a teacher that stands up in front of a room of students, or a minister who preaches to a congregation, but through my very captive audience of 3, God still gives me a chance to share what He has taught me. God WANTS us to endure. So for you mammas out there who are just tired and are lacking what it takes to endure, Perk UP!! THIS is what God has called you to do.  He wants you to thrive and not fail. He wants you to be the best mom you can be-and when you don't have anymore to give, let Him take over.  

So as I've been training for this race, I've already learned some things. My endurance is improving. The first time I ran with our Saturday morning group, I went 4 miles- stopping at least 3 times to walk and 2 of those times I puked. Yep, stopped on the side of the road, embarrassed myself, and then kept going.  My longest run so far now is 9 miles!!! That's a personal best for me! AND, there was no puking involved :) So sometimes, in our "race" of motherhood, we'll get embarrassed, do things wrong, and generally screw things up. But that's ok- keep going! When you're faced with those tough situations again, you'll know how to get through them with better outcomes. 

I've also learned that it takes consistency. There is NO way I would've been able to finish 9 miles without intentionally scheduling out time to train, and sticking to it. Just like in motherhood, I have to be consistent in what I'm teaching and trying to show my kids. I have to be intentional in the way I interact with them daily.

The next thing I've learned is the only way I've been able to keep this running charade up is that I have cheerleaders.  My biggest supporter is Mike, who I could not be doing this without. He's been so great in agreeing to let me leave on Saturday mornings, while he has to wake up early (his only day to usually sleep in) to take care of the kids, or agreeing to feed, bathe, and put to bed all the kids while I run at night.  Or even made sure I have all the right equipment I need so I can be successful. And then I have my running friends. Who train me as I run and tell me what I need to be doing better, or who are there to push me to go a little faster, or who are there just to make conversation and distract me from the pain of the SoCal hills!! (They call them hills, I call them mountains!) Mommies need friends too. If you're feeling overwhelmed or tired, or depressed or whatever, find a friend. 

I've also learned that on my runs (as short as they are), I need little breaks. Maybe walk every once in awhile, or take a drink, or eat one of those yummy energy jelly beans. And I DEFINITELY need breaks in motherhood! Recently I had an amazing break and got to go to Mexico for a whole week with Mike sans kids! My mom was a lifesaver and took over so we could go celebrate our 10 year anniversary.  And the week before that my mother-in-law and Granny and Paw Paw came to visit. Talk about relief! More adults in the house than kids?! That doesn't happen very often. I got to do laundry, clean my room, and take a shower every day and not worry if one of the kids was doing something terrible in the other room! 

As far as I'm concerned, I am still not a "runner" by any means. I run. And pant. And pray. And dry heave a little. And I finish, even though it's not pretty. But everytime I get out there and try again, I get a little stronger and gain a little more endurance. So this weekend is it! We'll see how up to par my endurance really is. I'm running Friday at 6am and 4:30 pm. And if you happen to be up Saturday morning at 2:30, you can call me! I'll be running my last leg and I'm sure I'll need someone to talk to me to keep me going :)

Mama Said There'd Be Days Like This

Warning: If you do not have kids, don't laugh too hard... This could be you one day!!!! And if you have kids, you can go ahead and laugh, it's ok ;)

Monday mornings are always great, aren't they? Ours are usually filled just like everyone else's with hectic bustling around, trying to find things, extra sleepy eyes from the weekend's festivities, etc. Yesterday, however, was a little more, shall we say, exciting! Brooks woke up with a temperature of 102.8, so immediately I gave him some Tylenol and made his nice cozy spot on the couch where he was going to stay for probably a couple days. Beau woke up ready to go (as always), so I fed him and then let him get down to play. Brooks said he was a little hungry, so he wanted breakfast. He and Lucy sat at the counter and began eating. About halfway through his granola bar, he got that look on his face. You know the one. The one that says to a mom, get him away from anything valuable or not waterproof b/c he's about to blow. He knew what was coming, so he quickly got down from the stool and started toward the bathroom. He got about 2 steps and just exploded. The vomit splattered all over our tile floor, probably in a good 2 ft diameter space. Thankfully, it was mostly water, since he had just finished 3 cup-fulls before he started eating. However, as he realizes he has a little reprieve in the upheaval, he tries to make it to the bathroom, running THROUGH the vomit and slipping on it, falling right in it. I tell him to go to my bathroom because it's closer than his, so he does. Just as I was about to follow him in there to check on him, my curious little 1 yr old is running straight for the pile of fun. He runs into it, slips like his brother and then decides to crawl through it. UGH! So now I have to clean him up, try and find a way to keep him out of the mess while I clean it up, and poor Brooks is puking in the toilet all by himself :( After I clean Beau and put him in his highchair to contain him, Brooks comes out and says he feels a little better. I ask if he made it in the toilet, he said yes. He was wrong. So then I cleaned that up. 

I go back to Beau, to take him out of the high chair since all is clear and realize he has a dirty diaper. So I take him in his room and I'm in the middle of changing him when he decides to grab the poopy diaper and throw it on the floor. Luckily, this poop kind of looks like rabbit poop, so it's pretty easy to clean up.

About 10 min later, I decide I'm going to try and fix myself breakfast. Why? When's the last time I've actually cooked myself anything for breakfast? So I'm cooking eggs and I look around and don't see Beau. And then I listen and I can hear banging and splashing. I realize I have left my bedroom door open. Reluctantly, I walk into my bathroom, to find him banging on our trashcan with a wet hand and simultaneously splashing around in the toilet with his other hand.

When I come out of the bathroom after I've cleaned him up, I look at the clock. 7:30. This all happened BEFORE 7:30!!!

Well, at least I can say that Lucy, my dramatic child, is being good this whole time, right?! Just trying to find the blessings...

So our afternoon was pretty easy. My amazing friend offered to keep Lucy and Beau while I took Brooks to the doctor. He ended up having the flu (even though the doctor didn't think he did). Here's a little side note to all you new or expecting mommies- trust your instincts. No, you're not a doctor, but you know your kid a whole heck of alot more than your doctor, so if you think they have an ear infection, or the flu, or an allergic reaction, you're probably right. Insist on the right tests and extra exams that your doctor doesn't want to do. Getting off my soapbox now.

Then, the evening comes! Yay! At one point, both Lucy and Beau were screaming their heads off, Beau b/c he was tired and we couldn't find his noonie. Lucy, because she fell backwards off one of the stools for the counter and hit her head. Lovely. 

And then... Round 2: ding, ding!!

As Brooks is walking to his room, he gets that look again. This time, his vomit is a pretty blue color from all the gatorade he's been drinking! This time Mike was home and feeding Beau, so he didn't come investigate.  After I got it all cleaned up, Beau had yet another poopy diaper. So I took it off, cleaned him up and then put him down so he could walk to the bathroom for his bath. As I was filling the tub, I turned around and he was standing up, concentrating very hard. Oh No! Plop plop. Poop. Right on the bathroom floor. Good news is, I picked him up, set him on the potty and he finished. So Beau made his first poop in the potty! :) 

So even though the day didn't really go as planned and would've made a great episode on a sit-com, it's ok. As I watched Beau play in the tub and got to tuck the other two into bed, I was reminded how much I love my little family, bodily fluids and all!!