So I've noticed lately that I have a few friends who have babies or are about to have babies. Not their first (I'm too old for that), but their second or maybe even their third!! So to you weary mamas out there I just want to give you a little encouragement.
You won't hear from me that, "Oh, honey, these days go by so quickly. You just need to enjoy them". Or "I just miss that baby stage so much. I would give anything to have it back again". And you definitely won't hear, "I just love those little grunts and cries. They are just the cutest at that age". Now before you go calling me cold and heartless, let me explain. Yes, I love babies. Yes, I love my kids. Yes, I love being a mother- the good, the bad, and the ugly. I am not heartless. I know every mother thinks their baby is the cutest ever. I know every mother knows their babies grow up too fast. Every mother knows she's supposed to cherish the sweet little coo's and groans. Every mother's heart is full when they look at that baby. But to the mother who is in the trenches right now, I choose to skip the niceties. No mother of a newborn who is sleep-deprived, hormonal, uncomfortable, and probably dirty wants to hear how she needs to be cherishing moments. At least, I didn't. I wanted to hear that there was hope. Hope that I would make it through today. Hope that I would make it through the next hour still functioning as a semi-normal human being. Hope that I was normal. So here's a few words of encouragement that hopefully can help while you're in the weeds.
1. No words of encouragement are going to help. There's nothing I or anyone else can say to you that will make this time better or easier. You don't care about words. You care about action, which brings me to #2
2. Get help. And by get, I don't mean wait for someone to offer to help. I mean seek it. Hint at it. BEG for it. You are not above begging. FInd friends. Find family. Find that nice lady that lives on your street that you kinda, sorta know. Help, ANY help, is good help. Get help with grocery shopping, dinners, diaper changes, babysitting. You know you have at least 1 good friend who will take your older child away if you ask. You don't even have to specify a length of time. Just say, "hey can you watch my toddler for me?" If your friend says no, then you can resort to acting like a crazy person. You feel like that on the inside, so why not let her out? "Please, please take the toddler! If I don't get a break I'm not sure what might happen! He's been eating goldfish and gummies for every meal the past 3 days!! He loves you and has been asking to see you!" (That last little detail may not be totally true, but it definitely helps)
3. Get rid of the guilt. So what if you're older child/children have been watching a Toy Story 1,2,3 marathon all week! So what if they just go from wearing one set of pj's to another set b/c you never got them dressed that day. So what if you decide to put all your efforts into breastfeeding, putting all other responsibilities aside? OR So what if you decide breast feeding is not for you (gasp!) So what if you don't have a balanced, organic, clean meal ready for your family every night. You just either got your belly cut open like a big smile or you just pushed that little human out of your hoo-ha after laboring for hours and hours!!! You deserve not to have to fix a meal for awhile.
4. Don't compare yourself. No, you are not that mommy that 12 hours after she had her 4th baby looks like she did when she was 18. And you know what? That's ok. She has issues she has to deal with just like you. You may not be that mommy who goes back to working out 6 weeks on the dot after her baby. And that's ok. Her life is not your life. Your life is your life. So you live your life the best you know how. Your kids aren't going to suffer. They're going to know they're loved. They're going to see their mommy doing her best.
5. Take lots of pictures. These days, with smart phones and technology, you have NO EXCUSE not to take pictures. I say this only because I honestly don't remember much of my kids' infant stages (#mommyfail). I can't remember when they sat up, when they started crawling, how often they ate. Some people are great with these details. I. am. not. You want to know why? Because I was SLEEP DEPRIVED!!! I don't do well without sleep. At all. So, I took pictures. That way I can look back on Beau's first 6 months of life and remember those kinds of things mommies are supposed to remember. I can remember the trips we went on, how much his brother and sister loved on him, all the cute clothes he wore. Without those pictures, I would have no recollection. Thank you modern technology!!!
6. Just so you know, there IS hope. You WILL make it. You WILL sleep again, and you WILL dream on.
